May 10, 2012
Dear Children of Ours,
Thank you
for being. I don’t know how I would have
made it through the past few months without you. Each of you has brought more than a little
sunlight into my otherwise dark world.
I can’t
imagine how you must be feeling because my daddy was not exactly a hands-on
parent. I loved and respected him, but I
never really knew too much about him. He
was aloof, to say the least. Mom raised
us. Daddy was more for show. When Lesli was born, he became a simply
spectacular papaw. So, although it broke
my heart when he died, it was nothing like what you are facing now.
To the best
of my knowledge, our family is the best!
I don’t know anyone else who has faced the same challenges we have faced,
but I do know of other families who have scattered over less. You are full of your dad, and I am humbled by
your ability to get along even in times of stress.
Chuck and I
never imagined you would turn out so well.
Naturally, because you can’t see the end when you are standing at the
beginning. Each of you has brought
special challenges and faced unique difficulties. You are all successful, shining examples of
what Love and persistence can do for a self-absorbed little human.
Lesli, You
were totally crushed when we didn’t take you with us on our “Honeymoon”. I don’t know why I wasn’t smart enough to
anticipate that, but I was caught completely by surprise. You forgave us quickly, and then spent the
next couple of years learning how to manipulate your Mamaw and Papaw into
telling your Daddy that he shouldn’t try to get you to go to bed at night. Remember all those trips from Memphis to
Knoxville when you knew our house rules were thrown out the window somewhere
over the Cumberland Plateau on I-40 East?
It was tough every time we headed west back to Memphis, but you
survived. In fact, many of the skills
you have today began to flourish when you left the “Lesli World” in Knoxville
to live in “Jim & Ann World”. Not
every lesson was pleasant, nor did they all help. You and I learned many of them
simultaneously.
J, You were
-5 months old when your Daddy packed, loaded, and drove the truck to bring us
to Memphis. I was not what anyone had
hoped for Chuck to marry. As if it
wasn’t bad enough for him to married a divorced single mom. He met me in a bar, and I was a
Democrat! I was a product of public
school, & neither of my parents had graduated from college or high school
for that matter. I’m aware that the
Chambers’s family and friends had hoped that I was a wild fling. They seemed sure that Chuck’s love for me was
not real, and our marriage would not last.
Lesli, J,
and I traveled to Knoxville at least twice a month for a couple of years. It made no difference to me what anyone
thought of my blatant disregard for what society saw as my failure to keep
house. Daddy worked three jobs, so we
hit the road. Even though my mom and dad
were not happy that we were so far away, they became incredibly
supportive. I kept waiting for your dad
to see the light and take us all home.
That didn’t happen.
Chris, you
were -5 months old when your Daddy packed, loaded, and drove several trucks to
Beaverlodge. It was a small house, all
ours, and I loved it! Our trips to
Knoxville gradually spread to about one a month. Our living expenses had increased so I began
to keep more than just Matt. Our
groceries, gas, and entertainment were all paid for with babysitting money.
The three
of you were our purpose! God was on the
throne in our lives and you were arrows in the hands of a warrior. Our quiver was full. Daddy and I covered all of you every day in
prayer. We were in Church every time the
doors were open. Both of us were
students at the University of Memphis, or Southwest yet we rarely failed to eat
dinner as a family around the table in our dining room. The food was what we could afford, cooked to
the best of my ability 5 nights out of 7.
I remember lots of chicken, rice, and broccoli. Saturday night was mostly homemade pizza
night. After I accepted a mystery shopper offer once a month we enjoyed
Dominoes delivery. Sunday meals were a
combination of leftovers, either from our kitchen or Ann’s.
I was not
at all happy when it became obvious that Chambers & Chambers Construction
Company would not be enough to support us.
We needed to get out from under our house note. Ann & Jimmy had bought the property on
Cotton Plant, and there was a rent free house available. I had already lived in the backyard of my
in-laws and knew that it would probably not be a bed of roses. Ann & Jimmy had decided that I was a good
enough wife and mom, but we were still not bosom buddies. Daddy and I had learned better communication
skills, so we decided to give it a chance.
I wasn’t
pregnant for this move, but I wasn’t all that enthusiastic either. I helped, but again, Chuck did most of the
work. We continued the course. You three children were our most important
job. Whenever we were together, you were
our topic of conversation. Every
decision we made involved what was best for you. We stood together at your bedroom doors and
prayed every night. We asked for God’s
wisdom to raise you according to his purpose.
We went to marriage and parenting Sunday school classes, listened to
Christian radio, and spent time learning from others who had successfully
raised Christian men and women. We
graduated from college, but never stopped being students.
Our lives
were good. We lived, loved and laughed
every day. We continued to share meals
at the table and worked together at everything.
You grew. You grew and grew and
grew.
I became a
teacher, Lesli became a wife and mother, and J and Chris became high school &
Junior High School students. We had to leave
our Cotton Plant house. I don’t know how
long Honey knew the move was inevitable, he never told me. I learned in October on a Monday, that we
would need to move Saturday. I was
crushed. Once again, daddy packed,
loaded, and moved us. He also began to
build this house. April 1, 2000 we moved
in here. Phil hired your dad, and for
the first time ever, we knew every 2 weeks he would receive a check. We didn’t make enough to live here, but at
least his pay didn’t depend on whether or not a house sold.
August
2000, J entered the 10th grade Chris began the 9th grade,
and I went back to Shelby County Schools to work with Mrs. Spencer. Our evening meals became less frequent, and
our finances tighter. I had no clue that
we had not qualified for a home loan.
Jimmy used a Quit Claim to transfer the loan out of Chambers &
Chambers Construction Company to us. Our
house note took all of my income and part of Chuck’s. We lived on credit. Our love grew. We began to think that we had done a good job
raising three children. Each of you was
involved in rich relationships through church and school. Lesli was a phenomenal wife and mother.
We witnessed
some of our friends’ children make tragic choices, Matthew B. became an addict,
& got arrested a few times, Annie called the police on her dad, but you three
were making pretty good choices.
Fall, 2003
we headed into the storms. Jimmy was
diagnosed with lung cancer, Phillip was murdered, Jimmy died, Lesli
divorced. I questioned God. We grew closer as a family and closed in
ranks. Your daddy grieved deeply the
loss of Phillip and his own daddy, but he reassured me daily of his undying
love and commitment to us.
It has been
almost 9 years since our world flipped on its axis. Daddy and I continued to stand amazed at who
each of you became. You were adults, and
we were proud! If we had known how well
you were going to turn out, we would have been arrogant jerks.
There was
never a time that we believed we could raise you alone. Apart, neither of us had what we needed. Together, we were the best blend of parenting
bathed in prayer. Decisions, big and
small were thoroughly discussed. Our
pride in you as you ventured out into the world was huge.
When you
were growing up, there were times that one of us would be losing our cool, but
the other knew just the right thing to say or do to solve the problem.
Daddy
talked about moving you all out so he could walk around naked, but he loved
being involved in all the details of your lives. When you lived away. He worried and fretted over you just like I
did.
I don’t
know how many things he told you in confidence, but I do know that not
everything was exactly true. Your dad
had a tendency to embellish. He rewrote
many stories to suit his purposes. Every
time I heard of a “don’t mention this to your mom” I went crazy. I have never believed family secrets were a
good thing. I finally came to simply
accept them as something he needed.
So, here we
are. Life has taken us on roads we never
wanted to travel at breakneck speed. How
could heartburn kill our Hero? What is
up with that? It doesn’t make sense that
a man dedicated to loving God and his family, a man who worked so hard for anyone
who needed help, a man who shared everything he owned died so young.
I ask you,
each of you, to continue to honor your daddy.
Please ask yourself every day, how can I live today in a way that would
make him smile, and say, “That’s my child.”
Whether you realized it or not, every day, he lived his life in a way
that would be an example for you. Every
day, you were his purpose. I was the
love of his life, but you were his legacy.
I will love
you forever. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living my babies you’ll
be.
